daydream

another one...

and again i’m doing drama homework on a sunday night….

this break was… defining. this was the first time that i sorta felt… away from home? i felt like the break was sort of a vacation from “home”. that i’d get to see the people i miss for just a short period of time, and then back to work. thats exactly how it is. i gotta say pleasanton looked incredible though. i never really realized the scenery. the golden-orange leaves were spectacular. norcal is a lot greener than socal forsure.

hopefully i can get through these two weeks. these next two days, actually. god i’m so exhausted.

snafu

i just feel so snafu rite now. i can be so confident. but when i’m insecure,  get very depressed. my mood swings are takin over big. i’m happy one second and feel like shit the next. i feel like i don’t have anyone to really talk to. or share my feelings with. like i’m totally isolated. i like the privacy. but sometimes i just need a companion. someone who i can have a heart to heart with. and i don’t really have that yet, or at least someone who is consistent.

my friends say that i’m too nice. that everyone sees me as the nice guy who’s also hot but they’re just too afraid to approach me. they say that i need to tell them my intentions; that i need to put myself out there. but i’m just not comfortable doing that in the way that he means. and i don’t know if i’ll ever be comfortable doing that. i get self-conscious and scared, i guess. such a pussy. always have been. it just irks me how i can never keep a conversation going. this will haunt me forever.

this fucking humcore paper is killing me. i havent read the book, but i’m supposed to be done with my second draft by tmrw to be edited. i was supposed to turn in my first draft last thursday, but something was wrong with my email so it didn’t go through and i just sent it to my TA yesterday. i was also supposed to meet with her for office hours to discuss my essay but i totally forgot. she probably thinks that i’m a smug little shit because i got an A on the first essay. but i’m just lazy. i want to be able to suck up all this shit and just get work done. but i’m not prepared for it. i have to read another entire book for my humcore class too. this is ridiculous. and on top of that i have to write a paper on a play that i saw for my drama class. i. can’t. do. this.

hopefully the break will help me out a lot. i plan to go to borders and just post up there. just like old times. i can’t wait to go home and see my family and friends again. just can’t wait.